The Lohan Relapse

Yesterday was a very sad day for me. I received an IM from a dear friend of mine, asking if I had heard about Lindsay Lohan. For a brief moment, I feared that she had died. Her life has meandered down a topsy-turvy towards oblivion recently, and images of the starlet in a mangled car wreck flashed before me. Luckily it turns out that she was just arrested again. For DUI and possession of cocaine. Never keep the coke in your pocket Lindsay, never! I need to be her assistant so I can tell her how to better avoid the cops. It’s okay though. Some jail time never hurt anyone. And the cops are always lying and trying to get you into more trouble than you really should be. They are sneaky.

If Paris Hilton had to do however many days in the Slam for just one DUI and a bunch of driving on a suspended license violations, where does that leave Lilo? Was her license even suspended, seeing as she is innocent until proven guilty for her previous violation? It all depends on the judge she draws, the lawyer she has, and the ability of the arresting officer to show up. We can all only hope that that officer forgets to show up to court. Both of her court dates are on the same day, so she probably will be screwed over big time. Wouldn’t the world be better off if she just paid a couple million dollars and we used that money to build schools or prisons?